Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Parking Lot Lost Keys Incident

If you've ever gone shopping at a big out of town mall and parked your car in the huge parking lot and had to try and find it again later, you'll know how frustrating that can be. But what if you reached for your car keys and they weren't in your pocket, or wherever else your were expecting them to be?

Melt-down time! I can say this because it happened to me a few weeks ago and it sure wasn't pretty!

Where Are My Car Keys?


I took the family to the mall, the name of which I will withhold to protect the innocent, to spend a leisurely Saturday afternoon doing what no guy likes to do but does because he wants to make his wife happy. Right guys?

After all, who wants to sit in a stuffy house on a sofa watching a big game eating snacks and drinking beer with his buddies? (Insert sarcasm smilie icon here).

Anyhow, after a gruelling four hours wandering around store after store, we headed back to the car. But for some weird reason, I could not for the life of me remember where I'd parked it. Could not possible have had anything to do with the brain sapping mentally exhausting experience I had just been through, or course!

No problem, I thought. I'll just whip out the keyring and press the button and the car will beep, its lights will flash as it unlocks itself and I will see where it is!

Wrong!

I reached into my pocket and my hand met not that comforting ring of metal with its precious cargo attached, but with some loose change and a paper clip! Where the paper clip came from is anybody's guess.

Time to Panic


So I was just standing here with my mouth hanging open looking like that country bumpkin guy in the Simpsons fishing in my other pockets for keys that were not there or anywhere else about my person, for that matter. The feeling was one of creeping chilling coldness spreading from my feet right up to the top of my head.

Oh. My. Goodness!

The wave of panic that set in was truly awesome! I was rooted to the spot unable to utter a single word, quite red in the face and looking like I was about to keel over with a massive coronary.

My wife on the other hand was cool as a cucumber. She just reached into her purse where she kept all her important stuff, pulled out the little key finder gadget that she was looking after in case I lost it (now that couldn't possibly happen, right?), pressed the button and from somewhere inside one of the grocery bags she had just put down on the ground there was a sharp beeping sound.

Time to Relax


At first, I couldn't understand what was happening. My panic level was still rising and the proverbial mercury had risen so high it was about to burst out of the proverbial glass tube.

My wife just calmly bend down, reached into the bag, pulled out my car keys and with the sweetest smile, handed them to me, adding a knowing wink. I took them with my right hand, looked down at them like they were a precious diamond ring and as the realization set in I let out a whoosh of air and started breathing again.

Well what do you make of that?

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